Chemo Number Two

I had my second chemo today and it still went really well.  I took some yummy brownies for the patients; who are mostly vets; and the nurses. :)  I wanted to do something nice since it is so close to Christmas.  I got to finish watching the movie I had started at the end of my chemo last week and got a little reading in. 

My labs today showed that I had a low potassium level, so the nurse gave me some information on foods that are high in potassium.  When I had been home for a while, the doctor called and let me know that he put in a prescription for a potassium supplement.  I didn't pick it up yet because I snuck in a nap, and I am not sure that they pharmacy will be open tomorrow, but hopefully it will be.  I guess if not I will be eating a papaya a day until I get my supplements. lol.  I am not sure that I have ever had papaya but it has the highest amount of potassium per fruit, and it sure sounds a lot better than a banana.  (I don't like bananas...I know I'm weird.)  I still have the slight numbness in my fingers and toes, which the nurse said I would need to watch...I guess I just need to make sure that it doesn't get any worse.

In case I don't write again before Christmas.....Merry Christmas!!!!  And remember that Jesus is the reason for the season. I am reminding myself too, as it is always easy to get caught up in the presents, decorations, etc.

Side Effects/Shots

The main side effect that I've had from the chemo is numbness in my finger and toes.  It happened almost immediately and has been constant.  It is isn't horrible, and I would much rather have that than nausea.  So far I haven't had much nausea.  There were a few times when I thought I be getting a little nauseous, but I just took some of my anti-nausea medicine and was fine. 

Three days after my chemo I am supposed to take a shot of Neupogen, which is a drug to stimulate growth of white blood cells.  I am supposed to take it three days in a row, at about the same time each day.  Yesterday was my first shot.  I knew that I would not be able to do it to myself very well.  I figured I would pass out while trying to put the needle in my skin. That is just the way I am.  I get so freaked out with needles and blood.  :)  Luckily, my husband agreed to give it to me.  I think he was a little nervous, but he did it and he kept asking me how I was afterwards.  He was really sweet.  The main side effect of the Neupogen is bone pain, which they told me to take Aleve and Claritan for.  I did go ahead and take an Aleve, and everything was fine.  One shot down, two to go....

I want to do some baking before Thursday, my next chemo, so that I can take some goodies with me to the VA cancer patients and nurses.  I was thinking Christmas cookies and brownies...sounds good to me.   I hope I get it done.

First Chemo

Today was my first chemo and it went really well.  We started later than I thought we would because they went over my treatment and then had to wait for the lab to mix and deliver my chemo drugs.  Also, when the nurse attempted to access my port there was not a blood return, so she had to put something in there to open it up.  When I finally received my treatment, it went really fast.  I don't think it took two hours at all.  I did take a book with me to have something to do, but the nurse put the movie Zookeeper on, so I watched that while I was there.

When I got home I had to eat quickly and then go to my post-op appointment for my port, which was really quick.  He just looked at it and said it looked good.  I told him he did a beautiful job on my stitches, and he said, "I know." lol.  He really did do a fantastic job though. :)  Then I ran to the post office to get stamps to mail Christmas cards.  Finally, I made it back home to relax.  I haven't been nauseous though.  I feel really good so far... hope it stays this easy. 

Chemo Starts Tomorrow

Well, I am finally going to be starting my chemo tomorrow.  I am supposed to start at 10am and it is should take about 2 hours to give to me.  I bought a book today so I will have something to do while I sit there.  I am hoping that I will have an easy time with this chemo.  The doctor said that it should be pretty mild so hopefully I won't feel too bad for too long after.

This time chemo is going to be different if only because I have children.   I don't get to go home and just worry about myself...sleep if I'm tired, etc.  Now I have two little girls that I still have to watch and take care of.  My mother is willing to come help if I need it, but I am kind of hoping that I will be able to manage without her for the first portion of my treatment.  She will have to come take care of my family when I have to be in UCLA for the second portion of my treatment.  My doctor here thinks that I will be there for a while.

I am getting kind of nervous...

A Plan

I was a little bit upset this morning when I listened to my voicemail and a message that I received at around 4 pm yesterday said that I was supposed to show up and start chemo this morning.  I hadn't talked to my doctor about my treatment plan; he had left a message yesterday morning telling me he had a plan but not what it was.  He wanted me to call him back but I thought I would wait a day because I was busy getting ready for my husband's Christmas party for work and I had waited over a week for him to get back from vacation, so I figured he could wait a day.  Then when his nurse called me this morning, she said the doctor was so worried about me, he thought I was in the hospital or something....please!!! So I called the hospital I was supposed to report to and let them know that I was not coming this morning and that I needed to talk to my doctor because I didn't even know what was going on.

My doctor got in touch with me and apologized for the misunderstanding about the appointment and about the other doctor not taking me on as a patient.  He let me know that he was communicating with the doctor from UCLA who will handle the other part of my treatment and that they had come up with a plan.  Instead of repeating treatment with the ABVD chemo they are going to use gemcitabine and navelbine.  He said that this treatment should cause less damage to my heart than ABVD.  The treatment will be given once a week for three weeks and the fourth week is off.  It will take about 2 hours to receive the chemo.  I'm not sure how many cycles of this I am doing, but I will ask on Monday.  Sometime while this is going on, I will have to go to UCLA and have my stem cells harvested.  The second part of my chemo will be high dose and I will need the stem cells to help me recover. 

My doctor also let me know that my treatment will most likely leave me infertile; not the first part but the second.  So then there is the question on if we want to harvest and store eggs; if we can afford it....  Still a lot of things to think about.

Pray and be Thankful

With Thanksgiving last month and people being thankful... I was having a hard time being thankful... but I still have so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful husband and two precious little girls. They are what makes my life happy and complete.  I love getting to be a wife and a mother.  These were my two top goals to accomplish in my life...and I have accomplished them.  Although I do still have room for improvement.. :).   I have a mother who is willing to drop everything in her life to come help me, and take care of me and my family. I also have a father, two brothers, a sister, six sister-in-laws, four brother-in-laws, a mother-in-law and almost 13 nephew and nieces who I love and I know love me too.  (Number 13 is due soon!)

My husband has a good job and is able to support us.  We live in a nice home and our car is paid for!  We were able to finish paying off my medical bills last year...huge relief!

I came across a blog yesterday...a lady who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's, the same cancer I have.  I immediately began to empathize with her... feeling we shared a common story.  However, as I continued to read I learned that a few months after she was diagnosed, her 11 month old daughter was diagnosed with neuroblastoma.  So, not only did this mother have to deal with her cancer, but her daughter's as well.  I can't even begin to imagine how hard that would be as a parent...to hear that your child has cancer.  I told myself to pray and be thankful.

Then today I heard a story of a young lady who's cancer has not been responding to her chemo treatments.  I guess she has tried all of them and none of them have worked.  The doctors told her they will try the first ones again and if there is still no result...they will make sure she is comfortable.  I told myself to pray and be thankful.

Life could be better....but it could be worse.  I need to remember that and remember to be thankful .....and pray for others and myself to beat cancer!!

Port scar picture

Took the bandage off today...  It looks pretty good...but if you notice the triangular shape...that is my new port.... it looks big...   :( owwww!

My newest war wound.  I think it looks slightly worse in person, but maybe not.  My neck and shoulder are a little stiff on this, my left, side.   The port feels like a piece of jewelery I am wearing under my skin... eww!!!  It is such a weird feeling.  I can feel the weight of it hanging there and the bulkiness pushing against my skin.  It is a little swollen now so it is hard to tell how large of a bump it will be, but it is definitely going to stick out more than the first one did.  The first one was placed lower, near the top of my breast and didn't end up sticking out much, if at all.  This one though they said is a little bigger and they placed it higher.  As you can probably tell, it is right under my collar bone.  It has a pretty nice bruise surrounding it, and...it is time to take a pain pill. 

Biopsy Results

I finally found a doctor that was willing to track down my biopsy results and actually even call the pathologist and get a clear and final answer.  So, officially now, my Hodgkin's Lymphoma is back.  The doctor I spoke with yesterday, who I thought was going to handle my treatment, said that he would recommend 3 cycles with the ABVD chemo, which is what I had the first time, followed by the high-dose chemotherapy with stem-cell transplant.  I am not sure what exactly this means or how long it will take....  I have done research, but I don't really know until the doctors tell me what they have picked for me exactly. 

I am having surgery tomorrow morning to have a port inserted again.  I am really dreading doing the whole thing again. 

Biopsies

Wow!  I have had too many biopsies this month!  I had two biopsies done on Thursday the 17th.  One was a bone marrow biopsy which was thankfully cancer free!!  The other biopsy attempted to collect a sample of one of the masses in my chest through a bronchoscopy.  They stuck a scope through my nose, down my throat, checked my airways and then poked through and collected a sample of tissue.  However the results of this biopsy didn't show anything abnormal.  They probably either got too small a sample or collected it from the wrong place.

Then I received a phone call Tuesday, the 22nd, and was informed that I was scheduled for another biopsy Friday morning.  I had to go get labs and pre-register on Wednesday.  Then I got to enjoy Thanksgiving and stuff myself with food, since I had to fast after midnight.  Then I went in and had a CT guided biopsy.  They used the CT to make sure they were taking a biopsy from the right spot, and to try to avoid my lung, because the mass is near to my lung.  They used a coring needle, I believe I heard 20 gauge, to keep an opening so that they could collect multiple samples, so that hopefully this will be my last biopsy.  After the procedure they kept me for about 4 hours because they said I had air outside my lungs and wanted to make sure it was stable.  They told me to watch for shortness of breath and sharp pains and told me to basically have bed rest for the remainder of the day.  But, stupid me, I started doing things because I felt fine, then had some pain.  Then I started freaking out and thinking I couldn't breath.  I talked to the doctor who preformed the biopsy and he said that the main symptom to watch for was the shortness of breath, which I didn't really have.  I knew that was in my head, so I made myself relax, which is hard sometimes.   I realized that I am going to have to take it easy and slow, not overdo anything.

Strong

I have often been told how strong I am...having cancer.  I must say...these are the times I feel most weak.  I am dealing with, going through, something that I have absolutely no control over.  Going through treatment is something that I have to do to get better...but it is so scary.  Not knowing what will happen....too many questions and scenarios go through my head every day.  I know that God's will will be done, and just hope that it is to let me live a long and relatively healthy life after this, but...only God knows His will. I try to take comfort in knowing that God has control, but it is hard because I still want to live for awhile.  I want to see my daughters grow up, graduate, get married, and have babies of their own some day.  So, if God's will is not to let me do those things...let's just say it would be a little hard to accept.  I feel like I need to write a book to my daughters, full of stories and advice; motherly wisdom for their life, just in case I am not there to tell them in person.  Then, I think that is morbid...
And just today I was told not to be such a rock, to lean on people more.  I don't know if that is really me...   There are times that I will need to lean on people and accept help, but not yet... I still feel fine right now.  I know maybe some people think I'm weird because I haven't cried when I talked to them, but ...I have cried.  In my mind, I could sit here and cry all the time, but that isn't going to do my family or I any good.  I think I need to be as strong and normal as I can for my little girls.  Especially while I still have a little control over what I am doing and my emotions.

Finding Out

 I think that finding out you have cancer is one of the top 5 things no one in the world wants to hear...It is scary.  I went into the situation of finding out what the lumps in my neck were...trying to prepare myself for cancer but thinking, "I can't have cancer, not me."  When I first found out I had cancer I remember tears just streaming down my face.  I went to call my Mom first and just bawled.  Then I went home, got ready for work...kind of in shock.  When I got to work, it was so weird...trying to act normal when I just found out that I have cancer.  I told a friend and co-worker because I needed someone to know...and quite honestly, to cry with me.  My best friend and her husband just happened to come by that day and I started crying the moment I saw her.  Later, I felt kind of bad telling her because she was about 7 months pregnant and I didn't want to stress her out.  My Mom came down to the store and told my store manager, who gave me the rest of the day off.  So, I left...with thousands of thoughts running through my head...none of which were about work.  I think after the initial shock came a sort of acceptance...I knew I had to keep going and not get down about it...do my job the best that I could and do these treatments to get better.


My second time finding out I had cancer was a somewhat different experience. The doctors seemed a little...insensitive...I mean when my family doctor called me the afternoon that I had received my scan and said there seemed to be a mass and he was going to talk to my oncologist and see what the next plan of action was...I'm sorry but you SHOULD NOT call a person who has had cancer, tell them there is something on their scan and then leave them hanging for weeks.  NOT COOL!  I went to my appointment with my oncologist who seemed...unconcerned...the spot was insignificant it seemed...which gave me a little relief.. LIAR!  He calls me...I think later that day..to say that he read over the scan and it appears more significant than he thought and he would like to send me for a PET scan.  REALLY??? BE PREPARED FOR YOUR APPOINTMENTS!!!  So, by this time I'm thinking, "Great...I have cancer again."  So, I cried a little, hugged my daughters close, cried some more...  I called my husband, who was out of town, tried not to get choked up, but I did...  I decided not to tell any other family until the results of the PET scan confirmed the presence of cancer. 

Background

My name is Jennifer.  In late August of 2007, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Over the next few months I went through chemotherapy with the ABVD drug combinaton. I had 8 treatments given once every other week.  My last chemo was the day after Christmas, the day before my 26th birthday.  A few weeks later I had a CT scan and was told that there was no sign of the cancer.  Then I started radiation therapy to my neck and chest.  I finished that at the end of February 2008. 

I had my first daughter in November 2008 and my second daughter June 2010.  Having two children, and breastfeeding both of them, made it somewhat hard to fit scans into my schedule.  I had a scan before becoming pregnant with my second child in late September of 2009, which was cancer free. 

Then I finally had another CT scan done the first week of October 2011.  The doctor called me the same afternoon and said that the radiologist had seen a mass.  As a person who has had cancer...that is the last thing that you want to hear.  I was trying to be optimistic at first since the doctor said that the mass measured 5mm.  I was thinking it could be scar tissue...anything but more cancer.  A few weeks later I talked to my oncologist, and I don't know if I misheard the first doctor or if he misspoke, but I found out that the mass was 5cm and was pressing on my lung and had actually caused a partial collapse.  So, I was sent for a PET scan, also know as a cancer scan, on October 31.  I received the results later that week and was told that my PET scan was positive...or I have cancer...again.  I will be having a biopsy on one of the masses, as well as on my bone marrow on November 17th.  And thus begins my second round with cancer.....