Finding Out

 I think that finding out you have cancer is one of the top 5 things no one in the world wants to hear...It is scary.  I went into the situation of finding out what the lumps in my neck were...trying to prepare myself for cancer but thinking, "I can't have cancer, not me."  When I first found out I had cancer I remember tears just streaming down my face.  I went to call my Mom first and just bawled.  Then I went home, got ready for work...kind of in shock.  When I got to work, it was so weird...trying to act normal when I just found out that I have cancer.  I told a friend and co-worker because I needed someone to know...and quite honestly, to cry with me.  My best friend and her husband just happened to come by that day and I started crying the moment I saw her.  Later, I felt kind of bad telling her because she was about 7 months pregnant and I didn't want to stress her out.  My Mom came down to the store and told my store manager, who gave me the rest of the day off.  So, I left...with thousands of thoughts running through my head...none of which were about work.  I think after the initial shock came a sort of acceptance...I knew I had to keep going and not get down about it...do my job the best that I could and do these treatments to get better.


My second time finding out I had cancer was a somewhat different experience. The doctors seemed a little...insensitive...I mean when my family doctor called me the afternoon that I had received my scan and said there seemed to be a mass and he was going to talk to my oncologist and see what the next plan of action was...I'm sorry but you SHOULD NOT call a person who has had cancer, tell them there is something on their scan and then leave them hanging for weeks.  NOT COOL!  I went to my appointment with my oncologist who seemed...unconcerned...the spot was insignificant it seemed...which gave me a little relief.. LIAR!  He calls me...I think later that day..to say that he read over the scan and it appears more significant than he thought and he would like to send me for a PET scan.  REALLY??? BE PREPARED FOR YOUR APPOINTMENTS!!!  So, by this time I'm thinking, "Great...I have cancer again."  So, I cried a little, hugged my daughters close, cried some more...  I called my husband, who was out of town, tried not to get choked up, but I did...  I decided not to tell any other family until the results of the PET scan confirmed the presence of cancer.