While I know that I didn't do anything to "deserve" getting cancer...I can't help but wonder sometimes...why me? What made me get cancer? And not just once, but twice? What am I doing wrong? Does something make me more susceptible?
Hodgkin's Lymphoma typically occurs in people between the ages of 15-40...I was 25 the first time and 29 the second time. It is more common in males...well, I'm a female and I still got it. A family history? No. Infectious mononucleosis? Well, I did have mono when I was 15. Did that really increase my chances of getting this cancer? It often occurs in same sex siblings. My sister had mono and she didn't get my cancer. (Thank you Jesus!) What made me....weaker?
Was it because I drank some alcohol? I've never been too crazy with that, but I have had my moments. Was it because I was a smoker? I smoked about a pack a day for about 6 years. Did that help lower my immune system?
I sometimes think that I must have gotten cancer (the first time) when I was teaching elementary at Dimmitt schools. That was a horrible year for me. I had a 45 minute commute one-way, and went from New Mexico time to Texas time. I was depressed and lonely. I ate terribly...and smoked a lot. I felt like a complete failure. That year made me hate teaching...I don't think I will ever go back to it. That is when I feel like my body was weak...that cancer snuck in....but, that is just my theory. It probably happened later....
I think...you're amazing...nothing about you is weak!!! Cancer is senseless in my opinion....and as I'm reading this I'm crying because I just want to sit beside you and hold you hand through this....I think you're brave. I remember when you told me you had it the first time...we were in walmart and you looked beautiful and you told me, then shrugged your shoulders with a smile...you're strong sweet friend!
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